Pulitzer winning talent

So, I know where the most talented writers in the world work. It's not in great newspapers, and they don't get published by conventional means. You can't find them by even the most exhaustive search in Google.
They live in little basements, and fine apartments, I can't tell. They are people you might see everyday, or people you will never notice.
They are the Spam Mail Writers!
Yes indeed.
It used to be outright commercials. Now it's messages from friends, telling me it's an answer to something I was looking for last night, or something they saw on the last Dateline.
I try to stay off as many mailing lists as I can, by publishing my address to as few places as I can, but sometimes it is inevitable (I've posted my address in Blogger, for example, and anyone can scrape it directly off the site very simply). But still, I get dozens of offers every day to help me lose my weight, to help me stay ready for 36 hours straight (no pun...or yeah, pun intended), help me increase my length, my girth, help me earn a million dollars, find nymphomaniacs, or simply become smarter than I've ever been before.
Sometimes, out of curiosity, I read these messages. They are very creative. I can almost believe Hagran is a long lost friend I have forgotten about, and there he is, reaching from the depth of my past, trying to help me with a problem I didn't even know I had.
Bring tears to your eyes...
Or is it just me trying to poke them with a pencil? Maybe that's it...
I mean, just think of the names they come up with!
I suggest a competition. The best e-mail messages will win prices. We can have a whole awards show! In Hollywood! (because we all know how classy Hollywood is). We can bring all the writers in, we can have the directors (the people who actually send them), the technical staff (the people who write the software to send them), and the producers (the people who pay to have them sent, and then make the money from saps who pay). We can have them all in one building for a glorious night of recognition.

Then, maybe, we can just bomb the place to the ground.